Jul 23, 2009

You've been replaced.

1 year, 9 months, and 15 days. That's how long it's been since my sanity packed its bags for the final time and actually left for good, slamming the door on the way out, and has not been seen since.

That is when I lost my one true friend I had that was able to calm me & keep me from coming unhinged. The one friend that was able to successfully lull me into feeling a bit more sane than I really am. This friend never judged me, never let me down, was always there for me. I miss my old friend.

My friend did come with some faults though. This friend was expensive to have around. Eating up my cash on a daily basis, slowly filling me with poison, and my friend really smelled bad and kept others away from me. Did I care? Hell no! God, I miss my friend.

Most days I do not think about this friend any longer. Once in awhile I have a day like today, and I wish this friend was still in my life. Where are you? Dont' you know I need you to calm me down & make me feel better? Damn me for kicking you out of my life!! What was I thinking?

However much i miss you, I really don't have the time or desire to have you back again. I have too much going on to depend on you. I am enjoying the challenge of being able to make it on my own.

Therefore here I sit. 1 year, 9 months, and 15 days since I kicked you to the curb.

I am surviving. I am hanging on. I don't need you anymore. You have been replaced with an even better friend. A more comforting friend. A friend that is actually good for me. Goodbye Marlboro Man. Hello bubble bath. We had a wonderful visit this afternoon after work, just me & my bubble bath.

You've been replaced.

I will never regret the decision to quit smoking once and for all. My meltdown this afternoon, followed by crying myself to sleep in my bubble bath was very good for me. Writing this post has been very good for me.

It just reinforces what I already know - that I have a beautiful life. I chose life when I quit smoking all those many months ago. When I do have to retreat to my tub for a good soak, I am choosing to reenergize myself. I am choosing to take care of myself. To retreat, regroup, and clear my head. When the fog clears and the tears dry up, I can see clearly that I have a beautiful life.

Today I am joining Melissa at The Inspired Room in recognizing the moments that make our life beautiful.


MonkeyFace said...

Oh my! How you inspire me!

My friend is still with me; a monkey on my back. I wish I could kick the habit!

Good for you! Keep it up, soldier on.

Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

That is a beautiful post, and I love how you chose life. It is a choice every day to choose to see and feel something beautiful in our life!

Good for you!


Maya said...

So good for you! Love the Sally Man shot!

Amanda said...

I'm at about 4 years now... but boy do I miss it.

Good job my dear!

God bless-

shopannies said...

Love this post as it draws you in
good for you for kicking it to the curb

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