Jul 23, 2009

You've been replaced.

1 year, 9 months, and 15 days. That's how long it's been since my sanity packed its bags for the final time and actually left for good, slamming the door on the way out, and has not been seen since.

That is when I lost my one true friend I had that was able to calm me & keep me from coming unhinged. The one friend that was able to successfully lull me into feeling a bit more sane than I really am. This friend never judged me, never let me down, was always there for me. I miss my old friend.

My friend did come with some faults though. This friend was expensive to have around. Eating up my cash on a daily basis, slowly filling me with poison, and my friend really smelled bad and kept others away from me. Did I care? Hell no! God, I miss my friend.

Most days I do not think about this friend any longer. Once in awhile I have a day like today, and I wish this friend was still in my life. Where are you? Dont' you know I need you to calm me down & make me feel better? Damn me for kicking you out of my life!! What was I thinking?

However much i miss you, I really don't have the time or desire to have you back again. I have too much going on to depend on you. I am enjoying the challenge of being able to make it on my own.

Therefore here I sit. 1 year, 9 months, and 15 days since I kicked you to the curb.

I am surviving. I am hanging on. I don't need you anymore. You have been replaced with an even better friend. A more comforting friend. A friend that is actually good for me. Goodbye Marlboro Man. Hello bubble bath. We had a wonderful visit this afternoon after work, just me & my bubble bath.

You've been replaced.

I will never regret the decision to quit smoking once and for all. My meltdown this afternoon, followed by crying myself to sleep in my bubble bath was very good for me. Writing this post has been very good for me.

It just reinforces what I already know - that I have a beautiful life. I chose life when I quit smoking all those many months ago. When I do have to retreat to my tub for a good soak, I am choosing to reenergize myself. I am choosing to take care of myself. To retreat, regroup, and clear my head. When the fog clears and the tears dry up, I can see clearly that I have a beautiful life.

Today I am joining Melissa at The Inspired Room in recognizing the moments that make our life beautiful.

Jul 17, 2009

A Beautiful Life

As I approach 40 I find myself yearning more and more for family. When spending time with the elder members of the family they seem to all share the same sentiment: "Isn't it nice to have the family together?" or "These are my favorite times, when we can all be together". Why is it that we usually hear those words coming from the elderly? Are they the only ones that care to voice it? Maybe they are the only ones that take the time to stop and think about it and enjoy it most? But then again aren't they the ones that actually have the time to stop and think about it?

I believe that as we marry, raise families, and make our path in the world, we are just too dang busy. Simplify. This is such a beautiful word to me. Can't we all just simplify? Of course we have to work, and raise kids, and do all the things that come along with all of that. But that, I believe, is what takes away from the importance of living.

Sometimes I think we just need to stop and move slower and with more purpose. Is that a contradiction? Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and relive my children's younger days. I would not have rushed as much. I would have listened to every little story. I would have played more on the floor. I would have marveled at the world together a little more. Hurry up and rush to get them off to school, rush to do homework, rush to make dinner so we can get in bed on time, so we get a good nights sleep, so we can have the energy to get up tomorrow and rush through that day! Ugh!

I want to reach back in time and tell myself, "STOP. SLOW DOWN! Don't you know they grow up so quickly?" Before you know it they are young women and men, and your time with them is gone. They are still around, but are they present? Was I present?

I believe the elderly love to be surrounded by family because by this age they have truly realized the importance in life. It is moments, people, loved ones, experiences. Relax about the school project, your financial portfolio, your Booster meeting, your deadlines. When we reach the golden years of life, none of that will matter. We will not think to ourselves "Wow, thank God I had dinner on the table every night", or "Whew! I'm glad I payed my bills on time".

What we will really be thinking about are the people in our lives. We will remember our experiences with loved ones, parents, children, grandchildren. We will treasure those times & forever wish we had more of those times.

Why not stop and enjoy those days now? Why not slow down, simplify, capture each moment in our heart like a flash of a camera captures a slice of life? Live those moments, love that family, treasure the unity.

This is what I wish for myself and my children. I wish to live each moment to the fullest, and sometimes it is so damn hard to do! But I don't want to go on and on when I am 78 about how it's so nice to finally have the family all together. I want to live it now, love them now. Once life is gone, it is sooo gone. There is no going back. There is no way to capture it again. There is no rewind button.

Grab it.

Experience it.

Love it.

Live it.

Make this a beautiful life.

Thank you to Melissa at The Inspired Room for reminding us to always strive to live a beautiful life.

Jul 11, 2009

It is a sign.

Today I went on a little field trip of sorts. I set out for the day with my parents and their neighbor Karen. Our first stop was a fabric store. This place was packed to the gills with 2 floors and many rooms full of all the fabric & trim your little heart could desire. Except for my little heart apparently, because I came away empty handed. Whatever. I am destined to live in a curtainless house.

So as I am browsing through the fabric I turn around and the saleslady was standing there with a big ole' grin on her face holding THIS in my face.

What?? Am I destined to be tortured by this? I wanted him so badly. He was all cute and tiny, and mewing, and blue eyes and obviously completely irresistible. Ugh! And there were 3 other ones too. Double ugh! Every time I turned around there she was with another kitten in my face. Really? Really? Does she even know how bad I want one? So. Not. Fair.

Let me back up a day by saying that I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with another daughter, which is eerily similar to the last time I was yearning for another girl and the other kittens appeared in my life.

Is it a sign? Or just a coincidence? I prefer to think of it as a sign that it's time to bring one of these cuties home with me. At least that's what I will tell hubby. IT IS A SIGN!!

Jul 6, 2009

Happiness Is........

......listening to my new favorite music genre:
Bossa Nova.

Jul 1, 2009

locks of love

This is my neice Emily. She is 9 years old, and yesterday was the second time in her young life that she decided that her long hair should go to better use. She decided to cut it all off and give her hair to someone that needed it more.

Emily wanted to donate her hair to Locks of Love.

Locks of Love is a public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the United States and Canada under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. We meet a unique need for children by using donated hair to create the highest quality hair prosthetics. Most of the children helped by Locks of Love have lost their hair
due to a medical condition called alopecia areata, which has no known cause or cure. The prostheses we provide help to restore their self-esteem and their confidence, enabling them to face the world and their peers.

~from Locks of Love website.

So yesterday afternoon I took Emily and her three cousins to see Ree, our favorite hairdresser. What girls don't like a day at the salon?

Although, they did get a little restless and goofy while waiting:

Here is Emily right before Ree did the deed:



Now some more trimming to give her that cute little bob:

Here is Emily proud of her new "do" and her "ready to donate" locks.

Here is Emily and her bestie/cousin
Gabriella, who also gave her long tresses to Locks of Love a few months ago:

If you or someone you know is interested in Locks of Love, please click on the logo below for all the infomation you may need: